If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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