carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
