I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
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I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
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He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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