Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
