I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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