I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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