Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline

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(217): View more from Illinois

Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.

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(303): View more from Colorado

It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.

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(716): View more from New York

ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase

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(416): View more from Toronto

I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.

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(563): View more from Iowa

You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.

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