God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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