are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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