Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.