DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....