i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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