Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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