dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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