i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
