i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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