So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
