i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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