Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
