Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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