I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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