i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
that is very illegal...i love you.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
