well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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