My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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