can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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