Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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