covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
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I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
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I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.