Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
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You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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