is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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