Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
