So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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