i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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