omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm passing your future prison.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
