the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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