Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
