Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
