You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
