She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
