I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
