Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
