On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
