Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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