Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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