thus making me awesome and them whores
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
