Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
