I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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