No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
