were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he shaved USA in his pubs
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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