$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
