I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
