Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
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i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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