So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
