i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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