did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
