Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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