yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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