Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
