I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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