I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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