I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
