It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
