Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
